jan Tili li jo e sona utala tan jan Loki. ni li pona tawa ona. jan Tili li jo e sona pi ma moku taso. jan Tili li wile ala e sona mani li jo e sona pi ma moku. ni li pona tawa jan Loki.
jan Tili en jan Loki li lon ala poka ma tomo. tawa tenpo suno tu wan la ma tomo Liliti li lon. jan Tili li wile tawa e ma tomo. jan Loki li wile ala e ni. tenpo suno ijo la jan Tili li toki e ni tawa jan Loki: "jan Loki o mi wile tawa e ma tomo Liliti. ma tomo Liliti li suli ala li lili ala li jo e jan li jo e esun mute. mi wile tawa ma tomo ni tan ni: mi alasa mani tan moku. mi tawa kepeken tenpo suno tu tu tu tu wan. ni li pona ala pona tawa sina?"
jan Loki li toki e ni: "jan Tili o ni li pona ala. mi jo e tenpo mute li jo e wawa ala. mi wile e sina poka mi."
jan Tili li toki e ni: "ken la mi tawa kepeken tenpo suno tu tu tu wan. ni li pona tawa sina anu seme? mi wile e ni: sina pilin pona tawa mi."
jan Loki li toki e ni: "tawa pi tenpo lili ni li pona tawa mi. sina ken tawa. mi wile e ni: len noka sin. sina ken ala ken pana e mani tan ni?"
jan Tili li pilin pona li toki e ni: "pona! mi wile e ni tan sina. tenpo suno kama la mi tawa. tenpo pimeja ni la mi en sina lape pona."
tenpo pimeja ni li pona.
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o tawa e lipu sin
o tawa e lipu pini
jan Tili li jo e sona utala tan jan Loki. ni li pona tawa ona. jan Tili li jo e sona pi ma moku taso [kin? ‘taso’ doesn’t fit with previous sentence]. jan Tili li wile ala e sona mani li jo e sona pi ma moku. ni li pona tawa jan Loki.
ReplyDeletejan Tili en jan Loki li lon ala poka PI ma tomo. tawa tenpo suno tu wan la ma tomo Lilit li lon. [ Lilith is three days away? I’m not sure how to say this, nor how or whether yours works] jan Tili li wile tawa [e] ma tomo. jan Loki li wile ala e ni. tenpo suno [ijo] la jan Tili li toki e ni tawa jan Loki: "jan Loki o mi wile tawa [e] ma tomo Lilit. ma tomo Lilit li suli ala li lili ala li jo e jan li jo e esun mute. mi wile tawa ma tomo ni tan ni: mi alasa mani tan [? tawa?]moku. mi tawa kepeken tenpo suno tu tu tu tu wan. ni li pona ala pona tawa sina?"
jan Loki li toki e ni: "jan Tili o ni li pona ala. mi jo e tenpo mute [? lili?] li jo e wawa ala. mi wile e sina poka mi."
jan Tili li toki e ni: "ken la mi tawa kepeken tenpo suno tu tu tu wan. ni li pona tawa sina anu seme? mi wile e ni: sina pilin pona tawa mi."
jan Loki li toki e ni: "tawa pi tenpo lili ni li pona tawa mi. sina ken tawa. mi wile e ni: len noka sin. sina ken ala ken pana e mani tan [? tawa?] ni?"
jan Tili li pilin pona li toki e ni: "pona! mi wile e ni tan [?tawa?] sina. tenpo suno kama la mi tawa. tenpo pimeja ni la mi en sina LI lape pona."
tenpo pimeja ni li pona.
I hope this outpouring of comments has not discourage you from continuing. This is basically pretty good stuff, but it can be better and I have tried to suggest ways to do that, not as a put down but as a boost up. Do keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi John,
DeleteI do appreciate you taking the time to decipher my writing, and offer up constructive criticism. My toki pona is definitely far from perfect, and I need all the help I can get.
My wife and I just bought a house and moved, and life has been pretty hectic for the past couple weeks. I do intend to keep writing this, and I will hopefully find some time to push out a new chapter this weekend. I do want to go through your comments point by point, and edit where I need to edit, and respond to them specifically.
So, once again, I really appreciate your time, and I’m not offended or put off at all.
Thanks!
ni kama la sina ken sitelen e ijo pi tawa tomo. sina tawa tomo sin. ni li pakala tawa jan mute. ken la sina toki e toki pi kama sina lon tawa ni.
ReplyDelete